Mother

Its foolish of me to think you care

foolish of me to expect you to want to be there

I will not lie still

and let you crush my will

I do not cross your mind

and one day you will find

that you miss some one you never knew

because you weren't present while i grew.

Emotions are not your strong suit

You craved the dispute

my baggage is full of miss guided attention

with no emphasis on affection

I do not hate you anymore

although the wound will always be sore

currently i am enjoying the distance

finally stepping out of the parental trance

I have an amazing giving heart

which i want to say you had a part

but sadly it was your brother

growing up i did not have a mother

basically i had a spoiled sister who always got her way

a glutton of pity and control and to this day

no one is willing to knock this princess out of her tower

she lives in a fantasy world drunk with power

she loves to play the victim

history has shown she will push against the system

My father was no help

She ignored their child while he slept

hard to protect your child from the love of your life

a defenseless child should come before your wife

but Their marriage came first

And I was degraded and cursed

While I searched for who I was

She was searching for love and devotion

Because of her lack of emotion

Love was a lesson she was unable to teach me

Which in the end left our emotional bond empty

In place she filled my soul

With insecurity that simply created a bigger hole

And ever so gently she placed a nicely wrapped

Present of outlandish phobias and the same endless search

As she sat innocent on her perch

Protected by the father she never had

Unfortunately he was also my dad.

So when her protector is gone

the day will come

when she has no one

and her appetite for self esteem will take her over

she will fall lower and lower

until the only thing that will save her

is letting go of the disappointment in her daughter

it would be unreasonable for me to think

that I would reciprocate, all this stink
but as far as a healthy relationship
in sight, is an infinite courtship
of tip-toeing on eggshells
watch while the groundswells

My Step

Unexpected free fall
Domino's cascade down cheeks
My Thoughts hinder my freewill
Fighting for control exhausts my soul
Lashings from the one you chose
Feeble and small cross-legged in an office chair
Rectangles of awareness piled below
The system has been shut off
Only emptiness remains
Glimmer and glint of regret
The twinkle mocks you
clench your air way tightens
I scoff at the idea
Victims gather in protest
Numbers grow you shrink
The circus ensues
Music lights high wire and trapezes
The chaos gains ground
Cotton candy and popcorn
Your lion’s escape
Bound and gagged you witness the horror
Bloody domino's are all that remain
The twinkle held you captive
Your extinction will be everyone’s sigh of relief
Their piece was all you were after
Intentions on auto pilot
Your rise is in vein
You check in the aftermath
I wash my hands they still reek of the massacre
I sit on my step.