What if's

I’m happy for you. Do we really mean it, when past significant others get in to new relationships. Glad they finally found happiness, but a little bitter that it couldn’t be found in you. In my case I was the one doing the running in the relationship, I left a lot of guys without closure. I am more then utterly happy and satisfied in my relationship, the “what if’s” just grab a hold of me once in a while. Every day dream ends with me regretting running off to live unhappily ever after with one of my ex’s and leaving my current clueless as to where I went, I peek in years later and he has his own happily ever after, white picket fence and 5 children playing in front of the fire place. I would NEVER leave my Fiancé, but, Still leaves me contemplating what it would have been like to play house with one of my past’s. In my Teen years and early 20’s I was known to be very wishie-washie in my love life, nothing serious and I played quite a bit of leap frog. I also had a habit of dating men that were unattainable. Either they didn’t want a serious relationship or they did but they were leaving town in a few months. I have seen a total of four men off to defend out country, seen one into the ground, two sent to jail, three moved out of state, and one to play for the other team. All of these men I knew their other obligations, health or sexual preference before hand, so I dove in head first, with the safety net, that it was going to be cut short by a uncontrollable force 100% out of our hands. Needless to say I did this as a defense mechanism, easy to not get “as” hurt when you went in to the relationship no hindsight needed. Basically that lovely trip down memory lane was to point out, that all the ex’s that I “what if” are the ones that ended some what messy, with out me being Ms. Cleo. The peaceful endings, leaving men crying on my shoulder before they went to war, or in to the arms of their boyfriends, not a tear shed on my part. May seem cold, but I planed our parting of ways before I even entered the relationship. Just like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Maybe I am just sad because I will lose him as a friend because I am sure his girlfriend won’t be particularly thrilled with him keeping in contact with his ex. Stay out of the way…snuff